What’s worse than being a COD widow?

Answer: Being a COD audience. Scifi hubby has been playing COD for ten days now. He’s played through my parents visiting, he’s played through my birthday, he’s played whilst I’ve been at work, or asleep or cooking dinner. There’s a Scifi hubby shaped dip in the sofa.

Of course, I can’t talk to him whilst he plays as “You’ll get me killed”. It’s fairly true, I only have to walk in the room he seems to die. If I speak he dies repeatedly. So I tend to sit at the other end of the sofa, reading a good book and trying to ignore him as he swears at the TV. He’s quite hard to ignore…

I was joking with a friend this week that she is like her cat – likes affection, enjoys being stroked but is flighty, only likes people on her terms and is quick to get her claws out if cornered. Scifi hubby is cat like too but more like a mouser who keeps bringing dead, and not so dead, mice into the house and miaowing to get attention until you tell him what a clever boy he is and give him a cat treat. So I’m learning to ‘appreciate’ him getting the final kill in a game, how well he can shoot zombies, how ‘camping’ is effective and the importance of a kill streak. However, I’m still working out what to give him as his ‘cat treat’…

20121124-203619.jpg I do like this (slightly adapted) photo that’s doing the rounds on Facebook

Advertisements

What do you say when your husband buys you…

… Hobbit feet slippers?!

20121116-175558.jpg
I know that at just 5 foot 3 1/2 inches I’m shorter than your average human but that doesn’t make me a hobbit. The very fact I need the slippers to make my feet big and hairy should show that. However it’s a hard thing to dispute as there is no defined height limit for a Hobbit. He’s now making jokes like ‘shall I fetch your slippers dear’ – no I am clearly wearing my hobbit feet slippers – these are NOT my real feet – can’t you tell? Funny man. Humph!

Ewoks on the other hand I can defend against. Lucas capped them at 5 foot 3 inches so I am officially half an inch too tall to be an Ewok. It’s a very important half an inch! I even have a photo from a few years ago to prove it…

20121116-180112.jpg

What do you want for Christmas?

I dread this question every year. My birthday and our wedding anniversary are quite close to Christmas too so it suddenly seems to be the question everyone is asking. I love the fact that family and friends want to buy pressies but I honestly don’t know what I want. I want them to surprise me with something perfect that I REALLY want but that I don’t know I want and certainly not something for the house or practical, unless of course that’s what I want and don’t know about… I’m not easy am I?

Scifi Hubby on the other hand has an endless list. So much so that people spend a lot of time trying to buy him something surprising that’s not on it! There’s been some great gifts over the years:

    The Batman snow globe based on the 1990s cartoon series which gave us problems as it has too much liquid to put in hand luggage but was too fragile to put in the hold.
    The ‘Profanasaurus’ which had Scifi hubby giggling like a 13 year old over Christmas dinner and made my mother keep asking him to read out why he was giggling – some words parents should just not know (just like they only ever had sex twice – once to conceive me, and once for my brother).
    A Skelton Pear Jam Tshirt which I got him for our first Christmas and he still has years later although its become PJs now.
    Signed Simon Bisley statue – more on this later…

We really don’t need presents. We go to see people at Christmas because we love seeing them not because of the cool things we take home with us. However if you really feel the need to buy presents then here’s some top tips for 2012:

    Scifi hubby’s Amazon wish list is up to date. And yes he really does want a whole series of comic books. Actually (Mum take note) it’s a route to a very quiet Christmas as, combined with some Southern Comfort, he will sit in the corner and read them quite happily…
    Don’t try buying Scifi hubby ‘clever household’ scifi presents. I’ve got a house full of lightsabre chop sticks, Batman bedding, superhero coasters, Superman bathmats etc (many of which were gifts and I love them, we just don’t need any more).
    Don’t bother with Star Wars – trust me he will have it already.
    Don’t forget dinosaurs – Scifi hubby is really a five year old so loves dinos.
    I’ve now got an up to date Amazon list too but don’t buy things from it as they are almost always cheaper elsewhere.
    Everyone will think that all the Mr Potato heads on my Amazon list are a mistake, they’re not. I actually quite like them and have a growing collection (maybe I’m becoming a secret geek?)
    If you see something and it makes you think of me then that is what to get me. Don’t ask me if I’d like it (just keep the receipt in case I don’t!).
    I’m starting a diet in January (I know, again). So please don’t buy me a tonne of chocolate.
    NO MORE MUGS.

20121109-223621.jpg

(Dr) No more Bond movies or I may need a Licence to Kill

I’ve had (The World Is Not) Enough – if I see another James Bond movie I may go crazy. Sky TV currently has a whole channel dedicated to Bond movies. For two weeks now that is all they have shown and Tomorrow (Never Dies) doesn’t look any better. If You Only had to watch (Live) Twice I could cope but every time I turn around we seem to have James Bond on the tv.

He’s seducing innocent, and not so innocent, women, driving fast cars, playing with gadgets and making things explode. Not to forget the corny lines, innuendo and female names. Octopussy? Really?

Don’t get me wrong, I quite like James Bond movies but I can’t watch the same movie four times in a year let alone a week. I think I might Die (Another Day) if I have to watch anymore.

I do however want to go and see Skyfall at the cinema. Unfortunately Scifi hubby didn’t fancy it today so maybe next weekend. Meanwhile I’m off to find a martini – shaken, not stirred.

From Scifi wife (Russia) with Love